The Beginning

Picture it.  Palm Trees (not swaying, just standing there since there's no wind).  95 degrees in the shade.  Humidity saturating your skin and pasting your "professional" clothes you are required to wear to the moist skin.  Nine year olds running around the playground screaming whatever they need to in attempts to de-stress their poor overtested brains.  Obnoxious little black Lovebugs flitting around dragging their "connected" partners behind them as they fly on your face, arms, legs, butt, (before you sit down and smear their exploded insides all over your professional clothes that you as a teacher are required to wear in such conditions) on your foot, up your nose, etc...

Welcome to the Swamp.  This is how most days pass here in Florida's Armpit.  No that's not the real name of the town but you'll want something to call it and its real name isn't worth mentioning.  It's your basic small town in Southern Florida where nothing ever happens.  I"m sure you know a place like it.

Anyway I wanted to take this first entry and really explain the purpose of this blog.  I'm not very quiet by any means but I've always found writing a great way to say those things that happen to you that you never really planned to say out loud.  Since my life right now currently revolves around three big things: teaching in the swamp, my vampire dog, and my wonky girlfriend Red (mostly the stupid crap she says) I thought this would be the perfect avenue to really express that. 

Okay so my dog isn't necessarily a vampire.  Yes, she does eat anything in sight but mostly I just call her that because I happened to be reading Twilight when I adopted her from the pound.  Yep, I named her Bella, despite the lady at the pound's glares and "I can't believe you are so unoriginal" comments. 

Please lady.  Are you ever going to see my dog again?  See what you don't realize is that Swamp people aren't quite normal.  They talk on their phones at Wal-Mart when you are trying to get them to check you out, that's after you wait in line for obscene amounts of time because they can't hire enough cashiers to fill the registers.

But I digress, I'm getting off subject.  The last portion as I said are my girlfriend's ridiculous "Red-isms" if you will.  I personally blame all of it on the fact that she's a redhead.  She disagrees but she says Redheads have secret powers that make them more deficient to medicines and such.  I'm not sure.  All I know is that she absolutely drives me insane with almost all of the crap that she says because none of it makes any sense.  As a pretty realistic person, I NEED things to make sense.  Go figure.  The best way I can describe it is to have you imagine a romantic comedy.  The guy is just about to kiss the girl after the long wait they made us sit through but then just as he is about to do it he turns to her and says "OH CANOE FOO, AYJAMA!"

In case you were wondering.  That is a direct quote.  I constantly feel like I'm in a foreign film.

So, I don't know if you will be disturbed, elated, or infatuated with this blog but I hope you enjoy or can relate to some of the weird things that happen here in Florida's Armpit.  I know I said not much happens here, but the simplicity that brings out the craziness.  I know for me, every day has plenty of entertainment.

See ya soon!