A Gift from Beauty and the Geek

   There's no delicate way to say this, so I'm just going to blurt it all out.  My girfreind has huge knockers.  None of our friends even try to pretend that they aren't enormous or that we should't bring them up randomly in any conversation we can.  It just is what it is.  I know some more hoity toity people may use artwork or fancy decor for conversational pieces, but if you're a friend of mine you know that we mostly just focus on Red's Ta Ta's. 
   For example, I single handedly created the updated version of plinko, involving ice, Red's pillows, and vocal chords screaming "plinko".  It can be played various ways involoving pieces of straw paper, shredded cheese, apple slices, and you get double the points if you don't use your hands.  It seems a little mean if you are thinking about it out of context, but deep down the little red one loves the attention, and also her moans of "OHHHHH!!!"  make it so much more fun when you score a point.
     Alas, I'm straying from the point.  Our friend Beauty and Einstein, who are two of the friends who enjoy Red's Mongos the most came over one day and plopped down on the couch.  Beauty's smile was as wide as the Atlantic and her jittery demeaner was at an all time high. 
    "I got you a present!" she giggled, beaming at the red one.
    The Spencer's bag told me right away what it was but Red being Red took a few extra seconds and opening the bag to discover the nipple tassels made completely out of candy.
  "OH MY GOD!" Red guffawed....

  BACKSTORY:    The four of us had been talking forever about getting Red to dance around in some nipple tassels for all of us, because it would be hilarious and interesting, etc... Einstein had seen some girl on youtube.com doing it so he thought Red would be perfectly amazing at it and thus the brainchild was born.

"It's never gonna happen!" Red shouted tossing the nipple tassles on the table.

And there they sat for weeks and weeks.

Then one night, very much like tonight I was sitting at my laptop typing away when all of a sudden I heard music from the living room.

"MY MILKSHAKES BRING ALL THE BOYS TO THE YARD!"

I knew instantly what it was.  Or at least I thought I did.  I went out to the living room to see Red dancing away, swinging those kabobs up and down, to and fro, dancing harmoniously to Kelis' rhapsody.  I danced along, then picked up my phone and took a few pictures.  She screamed for me not to do that.  I just laughed.  I wasn't going to show anyone but Einstein and Beauty.  She tried to take the phone back but I didn't let her have it. 

"Just keep dancing," I told her.  She paused for a moment and then continued dancing, and just when it was getting so her melons almost touched the ceiling, Bella our precious baby, who had been dozing on the bed must have noticed the party was going on without her, got up, sprinted from the bedroom, lunged into the air, grabbed one of the candy tassels in her teeth and yanked it right off Red's left Kilbasa. 
Red screamed again, covering as much of the ample cushion as she could and ran into the bedroom.  I couldn't have planned it any better if I'd paid the dog in kibble.  It was a completely perfect and funny moment in the Swamp.  I guess Red shouldn't have taught Bella how to jump through hoops and all those circus tricks, because it came back to bite her in the candy flavored tassel.